Argument Culture, Part 2

Argument Culture - 9/25/15

I can’t say I necessarily live in an argument “culture,” but I do hear arguments occasionally around me. For example, a few days ago someone in my hall thought it would be funny to hang his full-sized Confederate flag on his door, and quite a few people on my floor weren’t too pleased with him. Most of the “arguments” I hear are mostly people seeing something on the Internet that makes them mad, and then trying to get people around them to agree with their own opinion. For example, one of my roommates is very passionate about women’s health, and she’ll see things that make her mad and tell us about it to try to get us to agree, which happens most of the time. When I was still living at home, my mom would often bring up something controversial, usually involving politics, at the dinner table, which would lead to my dad and me arguing about our opinions on it – those arguments usually didn’t end well, with one of us too angry to continue and leaving the room.

            I can say with a pretty good amount of confidence that none of these arguments accomplish anything, except for making everyone frustrated. My roommate usually ends up frustrated with the world, and my dad and me usually end up mad at each other and avoid each other for a few hours afterwards. I’d say that my arguments with my dad are harmful and helpful; they’re helpful because we learn each others’ opinions, but harmful because it ends up getting both of us mad for no reason.

            I haven’t been in a class where argumentation was the focus of the class, but I have been in classes where arguments have taken place. I went to an all-girls Catholic high school, and with Catholic education comes with theology classes. My junior year my theology class was an ethics class, where many controversial topics were brought up and then we learned the Catholic social teaching about each. Several topics came up without anyone arguing, like the death penalty and the environment. However, when the topic of abortion came up, one of the most tense arguments I’ve ever experienced occurred. It wasn’t between students, but between the teacher and students. Despite my teacher being a bit socially awkward, he handled it pretty well – he kept up his position on the issue, and answered questions thoughtfully, although maybe not to the satisfaction of those who disagreed with him. The argument ended with people frustrated and crying, and most people in the class were dying to get out of the classroom at the end of the period, just because it was not typical for students in the class to question what a teacher is teaching. I won’t comment on who “won” the argument, exactly, but that class was still one of the more tense moments I’ve had in school.

            Like previously stated, I can’t say I’m surrounded by arguments at all times, but I do overhear occasional disagreements that aren’t particularly severe. I haven’t participated in an argument in a while, but when they do happen, I’m pretty stubborn, so I stick up for myself and make my point clear and logical.

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As I have come to realize since September 25^th, we do live in a bit more of an argument culture than I had believed. However, I think we live in a culture of passive-aggressive argumentation. I think people today are always concerned about hurting other people’s feelings or offending someone with something they say, which in some ways is good. It is important to phrase things well when you say them so that you can avoid possible hurt feelings and escalate a problem even more. While confrontation is always pretty difficult for most people, sometimes it’s important to face problems head-on.

            As far as being passive aggressive, for example, it seems normal to address issues through a text or a sticky note. I will even admit that, for me, this approach to addressing conflict is more comfortable for me most of the time with people that I’m not very close to, but if there is a conflict in a friendship or family relationship, that is not acceptable, when people think it is. I think that some things can be accomplished in this “sticky note” situation, if it’s only a minor issue, but no one will understand each other in a text message if there is an actual, serious issue that comes up.

            Confrontation is difficult, but it’s part of life. However, I think an argument in person gets things across more easily, better than in writing, because emotions can’t be understood in a text message, usually. As our use of technology and other forms of impersonal communication increases, so does the lack of in-person argumentation.