The Ruler Known as the Rock

The year is 2492, 1000 years after Columbus sailed the ocean blue. There is a new blue to be sailed and her name is space. Space is an unforgiving ice bucket (Metaphor 1), and in this ice bucket it is as cold as what used to be Antarctica (Simile 2).

 Back in 2016, the conservative agenda lied when it said that global warming was a myth. Soon after a haughty, newly elected, slightly wealthy (Understatement 3), President Donald Trump (Antagonist 4) took office he canceled all environmental protection legislation and everything went down hill. Donald deduced that since the planet had only gone up fractions of degrees over the years leading to 2016, that global warming was a myth (Deductive Reasoning 5). He was fatally mistaken; it was in actually the Antithesis (6) of a myth, a fact. The planet rose about one billion degrees (Hyperbole 7); volcanoes erupted with “bangs” (onomatopia 8), and millions died. Donald, however, survived and issued an apology (9) for canceling the legislation saying, “He was dumb, arrogant, and ignorant to the goings on of the real world.” The remaining citizens then assumed that all rich people were evil and they all must pay (Generalization 10) for the death of the planet. The citizens made a conclusion that since Trump lived in a nice house, then the rich people all live in nice houses (Inference 11). They stormed the nice neighborhoods and took out the rich populations “A Tale of Two Cities” style (Allusion 12).

Through all of this, the non-wealthy citizens looked to one thing for the motivation to keep fighting: A Rock (Symbol 13). Rocks are forever, even if they are smashed, they just make more rocks. Over the next millennium, people came and went, plants came and went, but the rock always stayed. In the present time of 2492, the earth is dead and people are deciding its time to leave her to rest. The Rock (Protagonist 14), current leader of the earth, had its council devise a way to get the remaining population off the earth and onto a safer planet.

The people weren’t (Contraction 15) all able to fit on one space ship; they would need to make two trips. The system of determining who would be on the first ship and who would be on the second ship was a mere riddle, the riddle was as follows: “who was Peter Piper and why did he pick a patch of pickled peppers?” (Alliteration 16).

The Connotation (17) of the riddle was really quite cheery and happy, however Peter Piper had died a horrible death by bees while picking his patch of pickled peppers. He had stated prior to going out onto the patch of pickled peppers to pick that bee stings were super fun to get (Irony 18). History and the horror movies (Genre 19) of the past tell us that Peter Piper made a horribly wrong move by going out and picking pickled peppers in his patch after badmouthing the bees. When he got to his patch of pickled peppers, the bees just swarmed and swarmed and swarmed and swarmed. It was terrifying. Peter Piper never picked another patch of pickled peppers again.

            The riddle had done its job; the people were divided equally between trip one and trip two of the space ship to get them off the baron planet they used to call earth. The citizens of earth had successfully made it onto another planet and had a potluck to celebrate. One distasteful person brought a pile of pickled peppers freshly picked from their patch. With all of the commotion and the food, the citizens of this new planet didn’t realized what was going on just beneath their feet. The ground rumbled as a hungry stomach would and suddenly split in half, swallowing all of the former citizens of earth; the planet was hungry (Figurative Language 20). Everyone died.

            The end.